The Locker Room Blues

2c4facefcdcf47eece38e677c736abecI’ve written before about how I feel like exercise plays a huge role in controlling my psoriasis. My new job means commuting to CT for the first few months, so I’ve been getting home late and exhausted with no motivation to hit the gym. So I decided to join a local gym to give myself no more excuses.

The gym I go to by home is only 3 blocks away, so I never have any reason to change in the locker room. But with my new gym, I’m going straight from the office so will be using it to change. So far I’ve been to the gym twice this week and both times in the locker room I’ve gotten the double-take and the stare down. I currently have spots across my stomach, chest and back so I know exactly what they were looking at. The “double-taker” even whispered to her friend “did you see that girl’s stomach” and since I don’t have a six-pack (yet) I know it wasn’t in admiration!

The sad thing is that I’m used to those kinds of looks and confused whispers. And the only reason that I’m 90% fine with it is because I know they are uneducated about what psoriasis is. When people ask me outright, I’m perfectly comfortable explaining what my spots are. If they just stare and whisper, I don’t bother because it’s not worth my time. But there is that 10% of the time, when it makes me feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself. I think 10% is a pretty low number and I’m fine with it because I’m human. Those girls have their things that make them uncomfortable and insecure too, but I don’t wish on them that someone points their things out in such a blatant way.

Ladies, we have to stick together! Why can’t we focus on each other’s (and our own) positive attributes instead of singling out the negatives?

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5 thoughts on “The Locker Room Blues

  1. I think we can all think of a time that something similar has happened with our spots. I’m sorry you had to go through that but find comfort in knowing you are not alone!!

  2. While at an orthopedic doctors appointment last week the tech who was helping me take off my knee brace actually said “Eeew” when she saw my legs. I was so upset. I have to have surgery next week and I am very nervous about how it wi effect the psoriasis on my legs.

  3. I think you’re very brave to change in the locker room – although I accept that you don’t really have a choice! I’m not sure that I’d be able to do that. I spend my time concealing my psoriasis where possible. It’s not just that I’m embarrassed by it, but more that I don’t want to be defined by it .. if that makes sense? People can be very insensitive and indeed, stupid. And you’re right – women really do need to stick together!

  4. The other 1st grade mom grabbed her child’s hand from me when she saw the spots on my hands and that mother raced away in fear of my skin. I took my daughter home and although most the time I could hold in the tears of psoriasis I went upstairs into the bedroom and was sobbing, not crying, but sobbing. This very small child of mine came in and although most of the time I could hide my spotted sorrow, this day, I could not. My six year old said to me this, “Mama, don’t cry. You look pretty in pink.”
    I am crying as I write this because those words from a six year old changed my whole life. So when the checker at the grocery store is horrified at taking the check from my hand, or the side glances of discust are shot my way in ignorant shots of superiority, I smile, because I know something they don’t. I look pretty in pink.
    I have lived my life as a six foot tall spotted woman. A woman gets some balls after a while when this is my life. A person gets a tough skin. I can say with pride that I have raised a six year old who is now a 26 yr old woman that graces this world with understanding. My 35 yrs of psoriasis has been worth it knowing my disease has bred a woman in this world that lives her life with a generous kindness, with no judgment and sees the pretty pink in others.
    So you wear your spots with pride in a gym, in a school, in the grocery store and yeah…in my bathing suit. I learned all I needed to know from a six year old. I look pretty in pink…and so do you!

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